Tapestry of Life

This week, I was given a great gift: a glimpse of God's hand, weaving the threads of my life into a beautiful tapestry. For the past seven years or so, it has seemed like my life is unraveling. Each one of my dreams and plans has been pulled out of the tapestry I had created, leaving behind a lackluster life that has felt more like a dish rag than like the sparkly and radiant piece I had planned.

But this week, a small portion of a new life tapestry was revealed to me. In this portion I can see some of the precious threads that were taken from the life project I had been working on now shining as the centerpiece in the beginning of God’s project for my life. I don’t think it’s possible to put into words the feelings of hope and redemption this gives me, but I will try to explain it well enough so that you can use your imagination for the rest.

Ever since I can remember, I had always planned to grow up, get married and have children. And I wasn't going to just have children; I was going to be a stay-at-home mom and homeschool my kids. Although I went to college, I viewed my degree as a fall-back, just in case I needed to work when my kids were older.

Parts one and two of the three-part plan went according to schedule: I grew up and got married. I put in the suggested wait time before having kids. But then my carefully worked plan hit a snag: my husband decided he no longer wanted kids. No discussion, no alternatives, just no kids. What do you do when the thing you've been working towards your whole life is suddenly no longer an option?

There is a long answer to that question, but the short answer that is relevant to this portion of reclaimed tapestry threads is that I resigned myself to the fact that I was not going to have children. I even convinced myself that I didn't really want kids. I still loved children and became a most-enthusiastic aunt, but I wrote off the possibility of having kids of my own.

Imagine my surprise when, on a missions trip to Uganda in September, two different people told me that they knew God would bless me with children. At the time, I just smiled and nodded, wishing I could say, “There is no way that is going to happen. Those dreams are gone.” Yet even at that moment God was taking the thread of my thwarted dream and weaving it into His beautiful tapestry.

Four months later, I now have four “sons” and “daughters.” Although they are not my flesh and blood children, in some ways I have given them life. You see, I am these children’s sponsor. My sponsorship gives them food, clothes, shoes, medical care and an education that will give them a chance at a job when they are older. Most importantly, they are taught about Jesus and how much He loves them. I am able to write to them, send them gifts and share in their lives. They send me letters, coloring pages and pictures of themselves. I may give some of my money and time to these children, but I am the one who is blessed by them and the opportunity to practice “pure and faultless religion” (James 1:27).

So although I still have no children of my own, I no longer feel deprived of my dream to have children. God has richly blessed me with two boys and two girls, from three different countries. The beautiful thread of my dreams has been given back to me in an even more exquisite way, a way only God could have woven.