"This headship, then, is most fully embodied not in the husband we should all wish to be but in him whose marriage is most like a crucifixion; whose wife receives most and gives least, is most unworthy of him, is - in her own mere nature - least lovable. For the church has no beauty but what the bridegroom gives her; he does not find, but makes her, lovely.I have several reactions to this description of Christ-like love in marriage:
The chrism [anointing, consecration] of this terrible coronation is to be seen not in the joys of any man's marriage but in its sorrows, in the sickness and sufferings of a good wife or the faults of the bad one, in his unwearying (never paraded) care or his inexhaustible forgiveness: forgiveness, not acquiescence.
As Christ sees in the flawed, proud, fanatical or lukewarm Church on earth that bride who will one day be without spot or wrinkle, and labors to produce the latter, so the husband whose headship is Christ-like (and he is allowed no other sort) never despairs. He is a King Cophetua who after twenty years still hopes that the beggar-girl will one day learn to speak the truth and wash behind her ears" (p. 105-106).
1) Oh, to find someone who would love me in that way! Is there anyone so selfless, so godly?
2) Am I this unlovely creature described here - a "beggar-girl" who doesn't "wash behind her ears"? I hope not. But even if I were, I would still be worthy of love. My worth doesn't come from my own merits, but from the fact that I was created by and am loved by a wonderful God. Lewis said elsewhere, "[The Christian] does not think God will love us because we are good, but that God will make us good because He loves us" (Mere Christianity). As I've learned in our study of Galatians this year, this is the essence of the gospel and, like Jerry Bridges suggests, something we must preach to ourselves daily.
True. However, I think we all too often look for someone to fulfill #1 of your points, without looking for someone we can selflessly love and serve. Marriages would be smoother and people would probably be happier if we were each doing that for someone else. But the world and we aren't perfect so I guess it's just something to strive for.
ReplyDeleteWell, yes, it's definitely a two-way street. I think that's why this passage about marital relations starts out with "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ" (Eph. 5:21). There are definite instructions for both members as well as individual instructions. I just wanted to highlight the explanation Lewis gave on what it really means to love someone as Christ loved the church. I'm afraid marriage has become too much about sticking around until you tire of the person, rather than sacrificially giving whether you get anything or not. Not just for husbands, but wives as well - "doing nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves" (Phil 2:1). We all have a long way to go. :)
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